This is the hardest part of parenting, IMO: "I saw how inevitable pain and disappointment are in the big, bad, imperfect world. I felt their suffering, their weaknesses, their vanities, and I came to understand how ridiculous it is to believe I could, or should, fix everything."
How do you, when you know something bad is coming, steel yourself against the strong instinct to shield them?
Thanks for this reflection Jay. My non answer answer, building on the work of care ethicists, is to think of it as a dance, or fluid process. Sometimes we protect, sometimes we don’t, and the knowing of when why and how is deeply relational and particular. It’s a life’s work this whole care/ relationship thing! And having a tween is bringing up a whole new set of challenges on this front.
I wrote something tangential to this article and posted today! I really love how parenting / caregiving has opened me up in so many ways that you describe. It’s a beautiful journey!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Elissa! So much of my experience feels similar to what you’ve written, and also difficult to articulate - the funhouse mirror effect of parenting. So glad to have found your work.
This is the hardest part of parenting, IMO: "I saw how inevitable pain and disappointment are in the big, bad, imperfect world. I felt their suffering, their weaknesses, their vanities, and I came to understand how ridiculous it is to believe I could, or should, fix everything."
How do you, when you know something bad is coming, steel yourself against the strong instinct to shield them?
Thanks for this powerful piece.
Thanks for this reflection Jay. My non answer answer, building on the work of care ethicists, is to think of it as a dance, or fluid process. Sometimes we protect, sometimes we don’t, and the knowing of when why and how is deeply relational and particular. It’s a life’s work this whole care/ relationship thing! And having a tween is bringing up a whole new set of challenges on this front.
I wrote something tangential to this article and posted today! I really love how parenting / caregiving has opened me up in so many ways that you describe. It’s a beautiful journey!
It's great!
sharing here so folks can see it! https://substack.com/home/post/p-161149464
Thank you!!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Elissa! So much of my experience feels similar to what you’ve written, and also difficult to articulate - the funhouse mirror effect of parenting. So glad to have found your work.
thanks for sharing this, bridget! glad to meet you on Substack!