Yes to all of this! Especially that last one. It's connected with what I've been working on. Also, I had no idea about the history of child care in the U.S. (Haven't finished reading your book yet.) That is really cool to know.
It's hard to condense a whole book into a Substack comment (as I'm sure you know!) but here's a small taste, excerpted from a precis I put together recently:
Who we think we are has consequences for how we choose to live. It's a well-rehearsed truth that rampant individualism is responsible for the state of society in this moment—with good reason. Modern events take place against a cultural background with deep roots, however, and individualism itself is a specific manifestation of philosophical ideas that date back as far as the ancient Greeks. This makes it hard to undo. But its antidote, a relational worldview, has roots just as deep. They make it hard to kill, despite the ascendance of individualism.
While the recognition of the individual was liberating in the social context of the eighteenth century, the dichotomies on which it is implicitly based have had centuries to play out, and we’re seeing their downstream effects now. Environmental degradation, political fragmentation and loss of community, and an epidemic of loneliness, depression and anxiety are surely among the most prominent challenges of our times. They are arguably consequences of the narrow view that we are, and ought to be, free and independent of one another, staying out of each other’s business.
Humans aren’t built for that, however. We evolved in a context of cooperation and interdependence. Human infants require intensive and extended parenting that is most successful when mothers have support from a network of caretaking adults: care is fundamental to our survival and ultimately to our ability to flourish, both as individuals and as a species. It also has a rich philosophical history, but it has been overlooked because it’s associated with the lower ends of the mind-body and reason-emotion dichotomies—the ends associated with femininity rather than masculinity.
This breakdown of the myths is amazing. I'm also really curious about Vivian Zelizer The Purchase of Intimacy mentioned in the comments. I'm fascinated....
A fantastic piece from two of my favorite care thinkers and writers!
What I would add as an American expat with two small kids in Norway: caregiving and work outside the home doesn’t haven’t to be an either/or, with the right legislation in place.
In Norway, there are almost no stay-at-home moms (or dads). This is because we are ALL (regardless of career) full-time caregivers during our combined 61 weeks of paid leave after a baby is born. (There’s so much more that could be said here about the social benefits of having everyone, men and women, experience this.) If we want more time than that, each parent can take an additional year of unpaid leave without losing their job. Because every Norwegian child is guaranteed a place in universal childcare from ages 1-6, parents aren’t faced with the difficult decision of whether it’s “worth it” to work outside the home to pay for the cost of childcare. We can choose to pursue our lives how we want, with paid time at home with our babies and toddlers that’s seamlessly built into our work life, and affordable, accessible childcare after that for anyone who wants it.
I know that Norway is different from the U.S. in many important ways. But I want so badly for my fellow Americans to hear about positive, real world examples of how public policy in other countries shapes the care landscape, in the hope that American families could someday benefit from something similar.
thanks for sharing this. I love how well you illustrate that we really don't have a choice right now in the US. We often treat these decision as exclusively personal ones, but only few make them on a purely personal basis.
This is such an excellent and concise summary. I'm going to be leading an equity session on care work at my job and will definitely be including this article in the prep work. Best of luck with the seminar, it sounds amazing!
I really appreciated this thoughtful piece, both of you, and it sounds like a great conference is in store! I also love the echoes of Vivian Zelizer in here -- I remember reading her work in graduate school and having that "mind blown" feeling of realizing just how many myths surround our cultural thinking around care and economic forms of recognition and compensation.
I was thinking mainly of her book (now decades old, I’m sure) The Purchase of Intimacy, where she lays out one example after another of how emotional connections are often connected to financial transactions, although we are often trained not to see them through that lens. Instead, we default to a “money corrupts (or cheapens) relationships” paradigm which is actually at odds with real human experience.
Beautiful thought piece Elissa, thanks for writing and continually challenging our assumptions about care. Excited to hear the playback of this gathering - we need more spaces that bring together unlikely collaborators and partners.
I missed that Google ad on Sunday and appreciate the comparison to 2012 (I lost it at the dog moment and can't say crying at ads is a thing that happens often) So much has changed in the past decade or so, even if it often feels like it's not enough.
I noted that ad during the Super Bowl. Excellent summary of these myths!
thank you!
Me too! I've watched that ad a dozen times and cry every single time.
listen, we need to hang on tight to all the signs up of hope and progress we can find these days!
Yes to all of this! Especially that last one. It's connected with what I've been working on. Also, I had no idea about the history of child care in the U.S. (Haven't finished reading your book yet.) That is really cool to know.
oooh, want to hear more! I love your writing and thinking.
<3 I needed to hear that today.
It's hard to condense a whole book into a Substack comment (as I'm sure you know!) but here's a small taste, excerpted from a precis I put together recently:
Who we think we are has consequences for how we choose to live. It's a well-rehearsed truth that rampant individualism is responsible for the state of society in this moment—with good reason. Modern events take place against a cultural background with deep roots, however, and individualism itself is a specific manifestation of philosophical ideas that date back as far as the ancient Greeks. This makes it hard to undo. But its antidote, a relational worldview, has roots just as deep. They make it hard to kill, despite the ascendance of individualism.
While the recognition of the individual was liberating in the social context of the eighteenth century, the dichotomies on which it is implicitly based have had centuries to play out, and we’re seeing their downstream effects now. Environmental degradation, political fragmentation and loss of community, and an epidemic of loneliness, depression and anxiety are surely among the most prominent challenges of our times. They are arguably consequences of the narrow view that we are, and ought to be, free and independent of one another, staying out of each other’s business.
Humans aren’t built for that, however. We evolved in a context of cooperation and interdependence. Human infants require intensive and extended parenting that is most successful when mothers have support from a network of caretaking adults: care is fundamental to our survival and ultimately to our ability to flourish, both as individuals and as a species. It also has a rich philosophical history, but it has been overlooked because it’s associated with the lower ends of the mind-body and reason-emotion dichotomies—the ends associated with femininity rather than masculinity.
This breakdown of the myths is amazing. I'm also really curious about Vivian Zelizer The Purchase of Intimacy mentioned in the comments. I'm fascinated....
A fantastic piece from two of my favorite care thinkers and writers!
What I would add as an American expat with two small kids in Norway: caregiving and work outside the home doesn’t haven’t to be an either/or, with the right legislation in place.
In Norway, there are almost no stay-at-home moms (or dads). This is because we are ALL (regardless of career) full-time caregivers during our combined 61 weeks of paid leave after a baby is born. (There’s so much more that could be said here about the social benefits of having everyone, men and women, experience this.) If we want more time than that, each parent can take an additional year of unpaid leave without losing their job. Because every Norwegian child is guaranteed a place in universal childcare from ages 1-6, parents aren’t faced with the difficult decision of whether it’s “worth it” to work outside the home to pay for the cost of childcare. We can choose to pursue our lives how we want, with paid time at home with our babies and toddlers that’s seamlessly built into our work life, and affordable, accessible childcare after that for anyone who wants it.
I know that Norway is different from the U.S. in many important ways. But I want so badly for my fellow Americans to hear about positive, real world examples of how public policy in other countries shapes the care landscape, in the hope that American families could someday benefit from something similar.
thanks for sharing this. I love how well you illustrate that we really don't have a choice right now in the US. We often treat these decision as exclusively personal ones, but only few make them on a purely personal basis.
This is such an excellent and concise summary. I'm going to be leading an equity session on care work at my job and will definitely be including this article in the prep work. Best of luck with the seminar, it sounds amazing!
thanks Kerala. I would love to take your seminar!
Eureka! This is so useful and clear. Thank you!
I really appreciated this thoughtful piece, both of you, and it sounds like a great conference is in store! I also love the echoes of Vivian Zelizer in here -- I remember reading her work in graduate school and having that "mind blown" feeling of realizing just how many myths surround our cultural thinking around care and economic forms of recognition and compensation.
oooh, send reading recommendations.
I was thinking mainly of her book (now decades old, I’m sure) The Purchase of Intimacy, where she lays out one example after another of how emotional connections are often connected to financial transactions, although we are often trained not to see them through that lens. Instead, we default to a “money corrupts (or cheapens) relationships” paradigm which is actually at odds with real human experience.
Beautiful thought piece Elissa, thanks for writing and continually challenging our assumptions about care. Excited to hear the playback of this gathering - we need more spaces that bring together unlikely collaborators and partners.
I missed that Google ad on Sunday and appreciate the comparison to 2012 (I lost it at the dog moment and can't say crying at ads is a thing that happens often) So much has changed in the past decade or so, even if it often feels like it's not enough.
yes, honoring the progress helps us know where to go next!