Before I explain the unexpected way having kids changed my career, I want to give a huge thanks to many wonderful Substack writers for interviewing me about my book, and my big ideas about care.
Just bought your book. Not because I have children, but it may give me insight into my mother. She didn’t work, but we turned out to be entirely different personalities. I could only imagine the patience it took to raise children, and she went onto do it four more times (being a good Catholic, following the Pope’s rules). I also love your writing here. Looking forward to it.
I loved our Substack conversation! Completely agree about the unexpected shifts that happen upon becoming a parent. It certainly made me a stronger writer and opened my eyes to new topics and reporting beats (hello, child care) that I had not considered before.
thanks for sharing! and yes, it certainly makes it easy to see how f-ed up our childcare system is (what is summer if not one long game of childcare Tetris?)
Back in the day (my son is 22), before he could stay home alone from time to time, I would start panicking a bit around April/May. I called it a patchwork quilt of a plan. I’d draw up the calendar, all TEN WEEKS…. (Ten weeks!!) … plug in what PTO I was personally going to take (I would squeak through 20 days, holding my breath waiting for my bosses to approve) and then go into action filling in the blanks. Some years it’s be every Wed at a friend’s house, one year, my ex-mother in law took him once a week. My mother still worked full time herself but she’d commit to 10 days, sometimes more. I can remember looking at calendars at random open days—now what?—and try to get one of my sisters to take one. My ex maybe wold agree to 3 or 4. (He certainly never was burdening with the overall planning.)
Some years, my son would spend a few days with legos and coloring books in my work cafeteria!)
So interesting! And equally interesting, I think, to reflect on how the world of “hot takes” had shaped your thinking before. It’s not good for any of our minds, I think.
I stumbled upon your blog after doing a google search on why women lose themselves to marriage and motherhood. I was curious at how aligned you seemed with my assessment. But then you threw a curve ball and I was surprised to discovered that your point of view had evolved to the point of advocating about the magic of care kicking and screaming. After caring for two brothers who were diagnosed with and died from cancer; I resonate deeply with your position that we hear about all the downsides of being a caregiver but rarely hear the upsides.....and there are many. I just recommended your book to my book club and we are going to read it together. Looking forward to it.
Just bought your book. Not because I have children, but it may give me insight into my mother. She didn’t work, but we turned out to be entirely different personalities. I could only imagine the patience it took to raise children, and she went onto do it four more times (being a good Catholic, following the Pope’s rules). I also love your writing here. Looking forward to it.
thank you! I look forward to hearing what you think.
I loved our Substack conversation! Completely agree about the unexpected shifts that happen upon becoming a parent. It certainly made me a stronger writer and opened my eyes to new topics and reporting beats (hello, child care) that I had not considered before.
thanks for sharing! and yes, it certainly makes it easy to see how f-ed up our childcare system is (what is summer if not one long game of childcare Tetris?)
Childcare Tetris! Yes!
Back in the day (my son is 22), before he could stay home alone from time to time, I would start panicking a bit around April/May. I called it a patchwork quilt of a plan. I’d draw up the calendar, all TEN WEEKS…. (Ten weeks!!) … plug in what PTO I was personally going to take (I would squeak through 20 days, holding my breath waiting for my bosses to approve) and then go into action filling in the blanks. Some years it’s be every Wed at a friend’s house, one year, my ex-mother in law took him once a week. My mother still worked full time herself but she’d commit to 10 days, sometimes more. I can remember looking at calendars at random open days—now what?—and try to get one of my sisters to take one. My ex maybe wold agree to 3 or 4. (He certainly never was burdening with the overall planning.)
Some years, my son would spend a few days with legos and coloring books in my work cafeteria!)
it's truly a remarkable feat that we pull off! ordinary, but utterly remarkable.
I write like I care!
That’s magic❤️
Thank you, Carol!
So interesting! And equally interesting, I think, to reflect on how the world of “hot takes” had shaped your thinking before. It’s not good for any of our minds, I think.
Such a good point. And to think how lacking that culture of writing was in a relational/ care ethic. And it was my main expression of feminism!
I stumbled upon your blog after doing a google search on why women lose themselves to marriage and motherhood. I was curious at how aligned you seemed with my assessment. But then you threw a curve ball and I was surprised to discovered that your point of view had evolved to the point of advocating about the magic of care kicking and screaming. After caring for two brothers who were diagnosed with and died from cancer; I resonate deeply with your position that we hear about all the downsides of being a caregiver but rarely hear the upsides.....and there are many. I just recommended your book to my book club and we are going to read it together. Looking forward to it.
I meant my writing is a bit less knee-jerk ragey— a bit more willing to stop and consider all the complexity of the situation.