Interesting that there is actually a current outpouring of books examining motherhood -- and here I just thought I was noticing them more since becoming a mom.
I want to read them alllllll, certain that I'll find a little bit of the complicated, multi-faceted reality in motherhood in all of them. But I'm especially excited to have "The Possibilities" brought to my attention, as I have also found the lens of science fiction/fantasy to be the most fruitful way to express the "truth" of motherhood. Adding it to my TBR and will be eager to revisit this interview after I've read it. Thank you!
Excited to hear what you think about "The Possibilities" -- and yes, when I first became a mom in 2012 there were far fewer books. In fact, there was much less mom content overall. I wrote this piece for ELLE in 2016 hungry for mom comedy, and now there is so much! https://www.elle.com/culture/news/a33730/moms-are-funny-why-doesnt-tv-think-so/
I just read the piece. It was written the year that I found out I was pregnant with my first. And YES, I definitely remember the dearth of media depicting relatable motherhood experiences. I remember having this thought, watching "Crazy Ex Girlfriend," "The Magicians," and other post-baby shows, that media just wasn't "made" for people in my life stage. And I wondered if it was because other mothers were too consumed with care to be able to create beyond it -- I certainly found that to be true of me.
By the time my second child was born in 2020, there WAS a lot more. "Working Moms" comes to mind as the first show that didn't treat children as mere props or the inevitable outcome of a pregnancy plotline. I've yet to see a depiction of an at-home mom (which I am currently) that isn't either horribly retrogressive or that doesn't make the SAHM the butt of humor in the wrong way, one of the aspects of "Working Moms" that made it hardest for me to watch (the depiction of Alicia.)
Thanks for continuing to further this conversation!
such a good point re SAHM in media. We need better on that front! I just finished watching "Young Sheldon" with my 11 year old, and while it is hardly perfect, and the mom does at some point get a job, I did find that they treated her primary parent work with respect, and she got to be a very real person, with blindspots and flaws-- overall someone we could love and be curious about who wasn't just there to serve others or as a backdrop piece. (in fact, maybe I will write about her!)
That's good to know! I've never been a fan of the Big Bang Theory so Young Sheldon never made it onto my watch list, but I'm glad to hear there's some decent motherhood representation in it.
Thanks so much, Lacey. I'm excited to hear what you think about "The Possibilities" and couldn't agree more about sci/fi fantasy being the most fruitful way to capture the "truth" of motherhood. Realism just isn't weird and expansive enough! I also wonder whether part of what makes sci-fi/fantasy so fruitful for capturing motherhood is that every aspect of mothering *seems* so familiar because we've all been around it in various ways and yet it's so different when you're the one mothering. You need to mess with realism to show the very unfamiliar, surprising, rich truth of it hiding in plain sight. Just one thought. Curious if you have others since it's clearly something you've thought about.
Yes, you're right about the "familiarity and strangeness" of motherhood. I'd never thought much about *why* I found it easiest to explore motherhood through sci-fi/fantasy -- since I wrote in that genre before having kids, it just seemed natural that I would continue. But for me I think part of it is that the emotions associated with motherhood can be so fraught and make you feel so vulnerable that writing about it in the context of sci-fi/fantasy is protective in a way. I can get at the truth because I know that anyone who reads it will see that it's "obviously" fiction.
Really enjoyed this and am looking forward to reading both of your books. "But really what I was writing about was just how utterly terrifying it is to love." -- I find this incredibly relatable, also after a traumatic birth experience. I find I have a surprising amount of fear that I have never had to deal with before, because I am now aware of how much I love and care about this new tiny person and if something bad was to happen... well, I can't even think about that, let alone articulate what would happen to me as a result. It's made the decision to have another baby which should be a no brainer in many ways (Do I want to win the lottery again? Of course I want to win the lottery again) more complicated because I feel like I should quit while I'm ahead because what if something actually went wrong this time? It's quite a shift as someone who was naively optimistic about pretty much everything previously and while I think it's mostly an undetectable shift for everyone around me, it's an interesting internal shift to face. Also my friends and family definitely got the "unwashed monologue" when they were probably expecting a sweet and tidy "meet my new baby!", I simply couldn't not talk about it. Anyways, thank you for this and looking forward to reading and following you both.
Thank you, Rachel, for reading and sharing your story. Yes, the terror of love is friggin intense! Would love to hear your thoughts on "When You Care" whenever you get a chance to read it.
Thanks so much, Rachel. "Do I want to win the lottery again? Of course I want to win the lottery again" is such a great way to capture that feeling. I know just what you mean. I'm sorry you went through this too, and curious where you are in that shift now if you feel like sharing. Also excited to hear what you think about "The Possibilities" and "When You Care" when you end up reading them.
Elissa, these questions around depictions of motherhood are some of the questions I am asking in Ramona At MIdlife! And I cannot tell you how many alternate reality/metaverse stories I have both written and consumed since becoming a mother. I'm curious if there's actually something germane to motherhood that allows us to glimpse other lives and paths. Yael, I cannot wait to read your book!
Interesting that there is actually a current outpouring of books examining motherhood -- and here I just thought I was noticing them more since becoming a mom.
I want to read them alllllll, certain that I'll find a little bit of the complicated, multi-faceted reality in motherhood in all of them. But I'm especially excited to have "The Possibilities" brought to my attention, as I have also found the lens of science fiction/fantasy to be the most fruitful way to express the "truth" of motherhood. Adding it to my TBR and will be eager to revisit this interview after I've read it. Thank you!
Excited to hear what you think about "The Possibilities" -- and yes, when I first became a mom in 2012 there were far fewer books. In fact, there was much less mom content overall. I wrote this piece for ELLE in 2016 hungry for mom comedy, and now there is so much! https://www.elle.com/culture/news/a33730/moms-are-funny-why-doesnt-tv-think-so/
I just read the piece. It was written the year that I found out I was pregnant with my first. And YES, I definitely remember the dearth of media depicting relatable motherhood experiences. I remember having this thought, watching "Crazy Ex Girlfriend," "The Magicians," and other post-baby shows, that media just wasn't "made" for people in my life stage. And I wondered if it was because other mothers were too consumed with care to be able to create beyond it -- I certainly found that to be true of me.
By the time my second child was born in 2020, there WAS a lot more. "Working Moms" comes to mind as the first show that didn't treat children as mere props or the inevitable outcome of a pregnancy plotline. I've yet to see a depiction of an at-home mom (which I am currently) that isn't either horribly retrogressive or that doesn't make the SAHM the butt of humor in the wrong way, one of the aspects of "Working Moms" that made it hardest for me to watch (the depiction of Alicia.)
Thanks for continuing to further this conversation!
such a good point re SAHM in media. We need better on that front! I just finished watching "Young Sheldon" with my 11 year old, and while it is hardly perfect, and the mom does at some point get a job, I did find that they treated her primary parent work with respect, and she got to be a very real person, with blindspots and flaws-- overall someone we could love and be curious about who wasn't just there to serve others or as a backdrop piece. (in fact, maybe I will write about her!)
That's good to know! I've never been a fan of the Big Bang Theory so Young Sheldon never made it onto my watch list, but I'm glad to hear there's some decent motherhood representation in it.
Thanks so much, Lacey. I'm excited to hear what you think about "The Possibilities" and couldn't agree more about sci/fi fantasy being the most fruitful way to capture the "truth" of motherhood. Realism just isn't weird and expansive enough! I also wonder whether part of what makes sci-fi/fantasy so fruitful for capturing motherhood is that every aspect of mothering *seems* so familiar because we've all been around it in various ways and yet it's so different when you're the one mothering. You need to mess with realism to show the very unfamiliar, surprising, rich truth of it hiding in plain sight. Just one thought. Curious if you have others since it's clearly something you've thought about.
Yes, you're right about the "familiarity and strangeness" of motherhood. I'd never thought much about *why* I found it easiest to explore motherhood through sci-fi/fantasy -- since I wrote in that genre before having kids, it just seemed natural that I would continue. But for me I think part of it is that the emotions associated with motherhood can be so fraught and make you feel so vulnerable that writing about it in the context of sci-fi/fantasy is protective in a way. I can get at the truth because I know that anyone who reads it will see that it's "obviously" fiction.
Really enjoyed this and am looking forward to reading both of your books. "But really what I was writing about was just how utterly terrifying it is to love." -- I find this incredibly relatable, also after a traumatic birth experience. I find I have a surprising amount of fear that I have never had to deal with before, because I am now aware of how much I love and care about this new tiny person and if something bad was to happen... well, I can't even think about that, let alone articulate what would happen to me as a result. It's made the decision to have another baby which should be a no brainer in many ways (Do I want to win the lottery again? Of course I want to win the lottery again) more complicated because I feel like I should quit while I'm ahead because what if something actually went wrong this time? It's quite a shift as someone who was naively optimistic about pretty much everything previously and while I think it's mostly an undetectable shift for everyone around me, it's an interesting internal shift to face. Also my friends and family definitely got the "unwashed monologue" when they were probably expecting a sweet and tidy "meet my new baby!", I simply couldn't not talk about it. Anyways, thank you for this and looking forward to reading and following you both.
Thank you, Rachel, for reading and sharing your story. Yes, the terror of love is friggin intense! Would love to hear your thoughts on "When You Care" whenever you get a chance to read it.
Sending care,
Elissa
Thanks so much, Rachel. "Do I want to win the lottery again? Of course I want to win the lottery again" is such a great way to capture that feeling. I know just what you mean. I'm sorry you went through this too, and curious where you are in that shift now if you feel like sharing. Also excited to hear what you think about "The Possibilities" and "When You Care" when you end up reading them.
Elissa, these questions around depictions of motherhood are some of the questions I am asking in Ramona At MIdlife! And I cannot tell you how many alternate reality/metaverse stories I have both written and consumed since becoming a mother. I'm curious if there's actually something germane to motherhood that allows us to glimpse other lives and paths. Yael, I cannot wait to read your book!
yes re metaverse. I mean, we MADE A PERSON/ A SINGULAR CONSCIOUSNESS -- if that doesn't bring us to strange places, what will?