I’ve been volunteering with vulnerable and disadvantaged children for 20 years now. Here in the UK, it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’ve literally had someone call the police to report that a man was “playing with a child who was not related to him” - that’s it, no allegation that I was doing anything inappropriate. Four officers turned up, separated us and questioned us separately. I called the charity I was volunteering with and got them to explain the project, but it terrified the child I was looking after.
Oh goodness move to Vancouver, BC Canada! Men here are the most involved fathers I've ever seen in my life. We have a beautiful, long "seawall" lining our ocean where parents nap their babies and walk/bike with their kids.
When I go for a stroll and see parents, do you know which is most likely to baby-wear? Fathers. When we go to the many parks and playgrounds, who is the most likely to be chasing the squealing kids around? The dads. At the picnics we hold in the main park, the dads are always the first to say Hi to our daughter, be silly and make all the kids laugh—then chase and play, while the moms get their socializing in.
Just off the top of my head, I know three full-time dads (who left work to be the primary attachment figure) in our neighbourhood.
It may not just be Vancouver either. Both research and popular media show a significant increase in father involvement *and* the expectation that fathers are involved. A Web of Science search on the number of articles on father involvement shows an increase from just one article in 1962, to 502 listed articles in 2020. Almost weekly yet another Op-Ed is written by a psychologist on the importance of fathers being present. A wonderful recent piece in The Atlantic on how “Dad Culture” (beer, BBQ, dad bods, and workaholism) doesn’t represent modern fathers (who baby wear, wake up in the night, obsessively edit their kid’s bday invites, and sing lullabies, even if poorly!) is another great example. So was a recent piece in the NYT about the Brooklyn Stroll Club: a massive crew of new dads napping their babies in strollers together. Podcast clips proliferate the internet with celebrity dads, CEOs, workout dudes—heck even Jordan Peterson—all saying the same thing: we need to be more present for our kiddos.
I feel like with this culture shift, more men are much more active in kids lives. The subsidized daycare centre down the street from us has a male caregiver working there, and so many of my husbands friends want to be involved (even if they're clunky and awkward as it wasn't modelled to them.) Anyway, if nothing else, I hope that gives you hope or inspiration to get involved with kids! :)
Thank you for this! As the only child from a 4 girl home to have a child (we come from a very "kids are brats" family ideology), it was heartbreaking to experience how little my siblings and parents wanted to be actively involved.
But what warmed my heart and has since served as a gift to our new life as overwhelmed parents, is one friend couple—who don't have kids of their own—who have become our daughter's honorary auntie and uncle. She gets so excited to see them and they adore her. When they come over for dinner, it just flows so naturally, giving us a much-needed break ... to—without being yanked at to play—cook dinner. lol.
As they sit on the floor and giggle and toss and play with her, they always inevitably ask, "What can we do to help?" And we reply, emphatically: "What you are doing RIGHT NOW is the most help we could ever ask for." Seeing people make your child laugh is the greatest fortune.
How this wonderful couple both A) knows exactly how to play and B) enjoys doing so, still baffles me. Few of our other non-parent friends are like this, but they're truly missing out on such fulfilling, joyful times.
Sometimes just having one or two people see your child, like really see your child, can make a massive difference in your sanity and sense of belonging as a parent.
I wish we lived in a world where it was acceptable for men to spend time with children.
I see lots of men with children in the Bay Area—we’re getting there!
I’ve been volunteering with vulnerable and disadvantaged children for 20 years now. Here in the UK, it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’ve literally had someone call the police to report that a man was “playing with a child who was not related to him” - that’s it, no allegation that I was doing anything inappropriate. Four officers turned up, separated us and questioned us separately. I called the charity I was volunteering with and got them to explain the project, but it terrified the child I was looking after.
Oh goodness move to Vancouver, BC Canada! Men here are the most involved fathers I've ever seen in my life. We have a beautiful, long "seawall" lining our ocean where parents nap their babies and walk/bike with their kids.
When I go for a stroll and see parents, do you know which is most likely to baby-wear? Fathers. When we go to the many parks and playgrounds, who is the most likely to be chasing the squealing kids around? The dads. At the picnics we hold in the main park, the dads are always the first to say Hi to our daughter, be silly and make all the kids laugh—then chase and play, while the moms get their socializing in.
Just off the top of my head, I know three full-time dads (who left work to be the primary attachment figure) in our neighbourhood.
It may not just be Vancouver either. Both research and popular media show a significant increase in father involvement *and* the expectation that fathers are involved. A Web of Science search on the number of articles on father involvement shows an increase from just one article in 1962, to 502 listed articles in 2020. Almost weekly yet another Op-Ed is written by a psychologist on the importance of fathers being present. A wonderful recent piece in The Atlantic on how “Dad Culture” (beer, BBQ, dad bods, and workaholism) doesn’t represent modern fathers (who baby wear, wake up in the night, obsessively edit their kid’s bday invites, and sing lullabies, even if poorly!) is another great example. So was a recent piece in the NYT about the Brooklyn Stroll Club: a massive crew of new dads napping their babies in strollers together. Podcast clips proliferate the internet with celebrity dads, CEOs, workout dudes—heck even Jordan Peterson—all saying the same thing: we need to be more present for our kiddos.
I feel like with this culture shift, more men are much more active in kids lives. The subsidized daycare centre down the street from us has a male caregiver working there, and so many of my husbands friends want to be involved (even if they're clunky and awkward as it wasn't modelled to them.) Anyway, if nothing else, I hope that gives you hope or inspiration to get involved with kids! :)
Thank you for this! As the only child from a 4 girl home to have a child (we come from a very "kids are brats" family ideology), it was heartbreaking to experience how little my siblings and parents wanted to be actively involved.
But what warmed my heart and has since served as a gift to our new life as overwhelmed parents, is one friend couple—who don't have kids of their own—who have become our daughter's honorary auntie and uncle. She gets so excited to see them and they adore her. When they come over for dinner, it just flows so naturally, giving us a much-needed break ... to—without being yanked at to play—cook dinner. lol.
As they sit on the floor and giggle and toss and play with her, they always inevitably ask, "What can we do to help?" And we reply, emphatically: "What you are doing RIGHT NOW is the most help we could ever ask for." Seeing people make your child laugh is the greatest fortune.
How this wonderful couple both A) knows exactly how to play and B) enjoys doing so, still baffles me. Few of our other non-parent friends are like this, but they're truly missing out on such fulfilling, joyful times.
Sometimes just having one or two people see your child, like really see your child, can make a massive difference in your sanity and sense of belonging as a parent.
Absolutely. You put it perfectly.